What the Heck is WRONG with me?!

I've taken numerous pregnancy tests the whole (nearly) first year I was married, mostly just as a sick and twisted joke on my husband. So when I took this one (that ended up being THE ONE), I was nervous like always but overall expected it to end up negative. I mean, c'mon; what's all the nausea, tiredness, cramping, peeing every 30 minutes mean- that's normal right?! ;)


Well, long story short, August 12th, 2010 it was positive!! After 4 hours of bawling my eyes out and scheduling a blood test with the doctor (and crying all over the poor receptionist), I for sure was prego. My husband's brain crumbled before my eyes when I told him and together we felt like life as we knew it was OVER! And, of course, it was. 


After a difficult and stressful pregnancy, many family and life problems, and even purchasing our first home (condo) a week before the baby was born... Lorenzo Raphael Viggiano was born on April 9th, 2010!!


My husband and I experienced all the normal joys of being new, young parents. Our families came to visit a few times and everyone we knew annoyed us to some extent with the "advice." I had no idea why the nurses and doctors kept talking about "Baby Blues" because I never experienced anything like them. For the first month, maybe month and a half, I always had someone with me to help and give me a break of some sort. The first week, my husband took a vacation from work. The second week, he worked from home. The third week, my in-laws came to visit for a week. The fourth week, we went to our hometowns in Upstate New York for a week. 


And then... it happened!!!


By the time my son, Baby Enzo as we call him, was 1.5 months old, I started noticing things about myself: no motivation, easily saddened, lack of appetite, short temper, lack of personal care, anxiety, low self esteem, self-consciousness, trouble sleeping, mood swings, and imagining horrific accidents happening to my family or the baby. I had no idea what all this was adding up to! No one, not a single doctor, nurse, or person I knew had mentioned anything to me about this. I heard alot about Baby Blues but knew I didn't experience any crying or sadness within the first 2 weeks. 


I suffered with all these emotions and feelings (or lack thereof) for about another month. By the time I went to see the doctor, Baby Enzo was about 2.5 months old. I saw the doctor maybe 4 or 5 more times and she basically told me that what I was feeling was soon developing into severe Postpartum Depression and other than prescribing medicine, she couldn't help me.  She said I needed to see a psychiatrist. Way to make me feel like a nutter!


PPD is defined as: A form of severe depression after delivery that requires treatment. It is sometimes said that postpartum depression (PPD) occurs within 4 weeks of delivery but it can happen a few days or even months after childbirth. A woman with PPD may have feelings similar to the baby blues -- sadness, despair, anxiety, irritability -- but she feels them much more strongly than she would with the baby blues. PPD often keeps her from doing the things she needs to do every day. When a woman's ability to function is affected, this is a sure sign that she needs treatment. If a woman does not get treatment for PPD, it can get worse and last for as long as a year. While PPD is a serious condition, it can be effectively treated with antidepressant medications and counseling.


**link posted**


Reluctantly, I tried an antidepressant for about a week and a half. I decided this wasn't for me because I never take medicine and "felt funny" on it. For some people, antidepressants are just what they need to feel NORMAL, like themselves again. For me, this wasn't the case. Each person is different and there is no right or wrong way. What works for some may not work for others. Instead, I've been doing what I can to try and better my physical health by eating healthy, walking, getting chiropractic adjustments, and taking vitamins and supplements to balance the hormonal changes inside of me. To better my mental health and for the purpose of accountability, my husband and I are seeing a licensed marriage and family counselor that my OBGYN suggested. In fact, I will be seeking the medical/professional help that I, as an individual need, by getting counseling on an individual basis.


The most important thought I'd like to leave you with today is that Postpartum Depression isn't a disease and it is most certainly curable! If you are a woman dealing with PPD and feel too ashamed to admit it to anyone, go to your doctor. It is of the utmost importance that the issues related to PPD be addressed and dealt with, not only for your mental health and safety but that of your family and baby, as well. You are not alone! 15-25% of women suffer from the same things you do! Talk to someone, it will help! If you are a loved one of someone suffering from PPD, the most important thing you can do is learn all you can about PPD so you can try to understand and be patient. Your loved one isn't some nut job that belongs in a looney bin, she's just an extremely hormonal woman that doesn't know what is wrong or how to cope, at the moment. Above all else, if you or a loved one feels like hurting yourself, the baby, or other people, CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY! 


http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=26211