Monday.
Never having been one of those people to bemoan Mondays, I now view it with dread.
This passed Monday, I got up and ready for work like usual. Having checked the weather, I was surprised to see the high for the day was supposed to be 82 degrees. Knowing it's usually a few degrees warmer than they say, I planned for 85 and decided to dig out my favorite summer dress; the $10 consignment dress.
Rushing off to my car, I realize, "It may be 85 later but it sure isn't that warm at 6am!" and then glance down to see I didn't wear my lacy white tank top under the dress. It was a little lower than I normally show but I don't have time to run back inside: ehh, I'll just pull it up a little.
I get my mocha frappe and off to work I go.
Only 2 patients into my schedule and then it happens.
FASHION FAUX PAS!
While placing some large heating pads on the table for a patient, *Doink* oh no! I realize the strap on my dress had ripped! The sweetheart neckline now flopped over on the right side and exposed half my bra! And it wasn't even a cute one, it was a maternity bra! *good grief*
Thankfully, my patient was standing behind me and didn't see. My mind is racing, "What do I do!! How do I hide this!! Quick, tuck it in your bra and pull the sweater a little closer!" I think I managed to get out of there pretty quickly without him noticing a thing.
So I call the massage therapist freaking out! She says, "Ok ok, I'll bring you a needle and thread and some safety pins." *Phew! Thank God! Wait! You're not gonna be here for another couple hours! OH NO!*
So I spend the next couple hours with my dress partially tucked into my bra and doing an awkward arm gesture thing to sort of hide it which I'm sure only made it more obvious. *Slap forehead here*
While I wait, I head to the back kitchen and eat my 3 hardboiled eggs for breakfast.
She shows up a little later bearing gifts and here I am, in the back therapy room where patients don't go, with the top of the dress around my waist, bra exposed, attempting to stitch the strap bc it was frayed. *God PLEASE just give me 10 solid minutes without any patients and no phone calls!*
I finally get the stupid thing stitched and now I'm struggling to figure out how to sew it back to the actual dress part, while it's still on my body, of course. Just then, I hear my boss exit an exam room, saying goodbye to a patient. *Oh God, what do I do?!* "Uhh, Dr. Nunno! I need some help in here!!" I'm sure I definitely sounded a bit frantic. She pokes her head around the corner and bless her heart, she didn't say a word about seeing her employee, bra exposed with a needle in one hand and dress in the other. With eyebrows raised, she says, "I'll be right there." and then turns to the patient saying, "Cristine needs a moment. She'll be right there."
So there we are. My boss is now helping me sew the strap back but the needle is too thick. She's grabbing it with her teeth and pulling it through. *Thank God I have a very good relationship with her. LOL*
"I'm just gonna do a quick stitch." "Just get me through the next hour, we are SOOO busy! Just get me through!" LOL It was makeshift but I was still thankful for it and I continued about the rest of my morning…
Until about 11:30am when I doubled over in pain! I had the most intense stomach cramps! I couldn't tell if I was going to poop or puke!
Yeah, so remember those eggs?? Turns out they were left out overnight. My husband had asked someone (who he thought was a reliable source), if they were still good. This person said, "Oh yeah, they're fine as long as they're cooked. It's raw eggs you don't want to leave out."
WRONG.
For the next 2 hours, I proceeded to have the worst, most explosive diarrhea ever. The massage therapist said I wasn't even pale, I was grey.
By 1:30-2pm, I was feeling better and continuing my day when all of a sudden, *DOINK* the strap gives out while I'm checking out a patient! Flap falls forward and exposes half my bra again. *How embarrassing*
The massage therapist helps me to jerry rig the flap part to my bra strap with a safety pin. *Ah, finally, at peace!* I was able to go about the rest of the day.
I decided to go get some organic ingredients to make myself cajun chicken pasta. Good ol' comfort food will fix this stressful day, for sure.
WRONG.
While shopping in this ritzy organic food store, I keep noticing all the rich, snobby people there.
Doo Dee Doo Dee Doo, what the heck am I doing here, I am CLEARLY not their caliber. And there, in the checkout line full of brain surgeons, NASA scientists, and Reality TV stars… the pin pops out and stabs me right in the boob! I start to twitch almost uncontrollably and am trying to play this off cool. Soooo did not happen. Everyone stared and my insides are screaming, "JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!!"
Driving home, I'm practically shouting internally, "JUST GET ME THE FRIGG HOME!"
Laden with bags, stomping up to my condo in the drizzle rain, the door is locked. HUGE pet peeve of mine. You see I'm not home, leave the door unlocked for me bc chances are, I'm gonna have a ton of bags. So, there I struggle to open the door and finally get it.
Right then, my husband rounds the corner, "Hey Babe. How was your day?" Two steps in the door, I drop every single bag, *DOINK* just as the left strap gives out and the whole top to my dress falls down, completely exposing the maternity bra.
I rip the dress off right then and there, with a barbaric scream that would have rivaled that of the Middle Ages, throw it away from myself and stomp into the kitchen. I proceeded to make my cajun chicken pasta standing there in a granny bra and slip and let me tell you, IT FELT GOOD!!!
